My Thoughts and/or Dreams

that only a select few will be able to get to.

so earlier today we had our speech banquet..it was at the petroleum club..the food was okay, kinda gross but yea...the roasts were funny...mostly cheesy...VERY CHEESY..of people trying to be funny, but not succeeding, i really dont get why people feel the need to Try to be funny...it should come natural!
the senior farewells....thats where the crying began..wesley's was cool..it made me happpy he was in speech even if it was for a short period of time, meghans was sooo sweet, matts was funny..but he was still sincere(didnt expect that), sarah's...made me cry, kenzies..made me cry, katies..was such in oratory form it was funny..and made me smile, mrs jones' was short and sweet, mrs broussard made me cry the most..cause you can tell that everything she said she meant, truely...she cried more this year than last...the senior songs were PERFECT for the graduating class!


then after the banquet...people usually hug...well i avoided madison completely, and i avoided kenzie, well kenzie came and found me, and she wouldnt let me walk away...and thats whenever i lost it...i started crying sooo hard...and couldnt stop...and she told me she would always love me, and she would always remember me, and for me not to cry...<i love her sooo much, she has done soooooooo much for me its incredible (sarah made me laugh whenever she mentioned our "how to" conversation during her farewell) well i was happy that after i talked to kenzie..josh, kyle, steven, and wesley came talk to me...they made me happy and stop crying then fricken judd makes me laugh by telling me i look like prostetute chick (he made me happy....very few guys have told me in my life that im beautiful and he did, and i love judd....im kinda sad he got a job and is moving...cause he promised he would go to churchill whenever i was a senior...) whenever i got home..i had madison look in her purse...*(i had wrote her a note, and stuck it in there w/o her realizing)*...well she made me cry...b/c i dont want to think about her leaving...b/c i dont know what next years going to be like...and it scares me..i mean she is the only person i can tell ANYTHING to...and shes leaving...and im glad shes leaving b/c she deserves it...but i love her sooo much, shes one of those people that i will always remember, and that will always have a piece of my heart...shes one of three people that have a piece...and i cried soooo much this weekend...and i still find myself saying i had a great weekend to people...im lying...this weekend has been hard...very hard...and every time i think about next year...i start crying..b/c rebekah madison barras wont be there with me.............

i think someone likes me...and a good someone...not a bad someone...

heres my update from the weekend!

friday was drama day and its as simple as this...ALL THE KIDS I JUDGED SUCKED!!!...well wesley drove me n madison around all day searching for a clown nose...it was sooo funny...we went all ove Lafayette!
then he drove us to the Rec Center and we started setting up...


guys the play was sooo much fun!!
it was like hectic..and sooo much fdun!!..i was a clown..and people had to tell me jokes..it was the funniest thing ever!! people are stupid and perverted and think that groping people will get them to laugh!! it was sooo cool McKenzie and Masey kept having to tell people that the clown HATES to be touched..and not to harass the employees...people kept taking my nose and running from me..i got payed a ton of money for clues!!..

between the plays it made me laugh kinda hard to see dan..cause he just came up to me and acted shy and wouldnt look me in the eyes and i busted out laughing!

ok...yea mickeys joke was funny!! (his group consisted of Stephen, Ganer, & Nelson)...when they sang the Patriotic song to Steven..i laughed sooo hard!...they had soung effects...


so yea..overall i laughed almost the entire weekend STRAIGHT!!


and then saturday night i went to the movies and that was fun!!...yea i really needed this weekend!!
i want a lot more like it,.....away from family!!

once again...i thought i was through with my journal...i guess im not...


colby IM'd me about the tch banquet, i truly do trust that kid, colby please dont lie to me...your one of the few i trust a lot. im sure youve realized that with some of the weird things we've talked about in like the past month? or so.

i truly enjoy talking to dan through myspace...he cracks me up..


madison, gosh i dont even know where to start except that i feel like i could tell u anything and have your trust..like it makes me cry...


its too much..just found out ashley is dating eli...josh hernandez needs a new prom date.

im not going to prom..ive decided all of the prom hassels and everything its just crap..most of the people seem like they dont even wanna go with their date...prom should be special..if u dont like someone..go with one of your best friends...dont just go with random people so they can go.

adam just blamed me b/c he got stopped by a park ranger today, he said he knows it was my fault, cause i have connections...that kid makes me laugh...

i think its funny that people ask me for help with relationships...i think they would realize all of my advice comes from things that have happened in my friends lives....yea.


and for the stupidest part of this entry to keep people wondering: ....i really wish i could tell someone something but i cant...





and as the 4 people who read my journal may notice...TRUST HAS BECOME THE BIGGEST ISSUE IN MY LIFE, can i trust you??

FUCK YOU!